Blog Posts, honest, Personal Post, Personal Thoughts, war

Digital Numbers

It’s funny the small things that I remember…The digital numbers on the cross-training machine at the gym as the preset minutes tick by actually seem faster than a clock face…that is unless I’m dying my hair red again, then any time is slow

I know the calories that are burned are grossly off, but it’s good to work up a sweat and get out energy…

Speaking of digital numbers, since joining weight watchers, I’ve lost some inches, the scale did drop at first from 260s to now mid 250s but I’ve been bouncing back and forth between 250 and 255 for the last two months…

The reason is simple, I struggle with night eating, be it two apples too many or one carb that isn’t so great…it adds up…and I do log it into my points for the day, but the problem is clear…

I’ve decided to go through with gastric sleeve surgery, I’m hoping by the time I am ready for the actual surgery I’ll have at least 20 pounds off my frame from the last time I was at the weight loss clinic this past summer…

It’ll prove to myself, and to the staff there that I am committed to truly losing the weight…

There are some major hurdles: 

  1. I will have to stop taking my birth control for one month due to bleeding and healing during surgery, I’ve been taking my low dose birth control sense I was 26 years of age under a doctor’s supervision for PCOS management. (which means the mother of all cramps, periods, etc.)
  2. All my medications will need to be crushed and swallowed, or made into liquid form (I can get over this in time, ick factor aside I’ll get over it.)
  3. The healing of my new banana shaped stomach (oh boy), hopefully shall not be too awful…I will go back onto my birth control once again after surgery because again PCOS but on that note, weight loss should cure the PCOS in itself, so in time I won’t need the consistent dose of birth control as I lose weight…
  4. The water and food hurdle this one is actually major, a shot glass of water an hour…the food as well at first is going to be a challenge as far as going slowly (I do now but it’ll be really slow) but it cannot be longer than 30 minutes (yea it’s something to do with gastric dumping)
  5. My mindset is 200 percent ready to tackle each thing as it comes, and I’ve got ideas for how to keep myself busy…not obsessing over the weight loss, food bite sizes, one ounce of water an hour, not getting dehydrated, only taking a bite at a time but within 30 minutes etc. yea, it’s a long rear laundry list of things to commit to right off the bat, so I will be blogging more often and sharing my journey as this has proved to be a great outlet…
  6. Being kind to myself, at the end of the day once the new stomach is healed the food is tolerated, I’m able to start exercising again gradually, and all else this will be worth it…I’ve not been out of the 200 pound range for about nine years now, and as stated above now is the time to act, I’m in a healthier saner mindset then I was 3 years ago I process things better and am more self aware, and am teachable (learning things that I need to fix work-on etc. without taking it as a personal affront)

  Aside from the above, this is very doable, difficult yes, but doable…I am tired of being tired when I workout, no energy, and shooting myself in the foot with food and or lack of it…

I’m committed to health overall, and I don’t want to go overboard with the whole ‘OK now I’m at 170 something I could go lower’  at my 5’8.5″ medium sized frame 170 is overweight, but considering my past bout with borderline anorexia as a teenager I’m not risking it…

and as you’ve guessed I’ll be blogging about staying on track…

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