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Yeshua and Suicide

The passing of Jarrid Wilson three days ago stings like hell. What stings even more are the lies being told by those in authority with certainty. As many of you are aware, I have depression, autism, angisity and self harm. I’m not the same woman I was 9 years ago after I graduated from Mercy Multiplied in May of 2013.


I do know this much, the enemy’s biggest cons and lies start in the mind, depression/suicide/cutting etc. doesn’t care what background you come from how old you are. It’s hard as hell fighting daily with the Lord by my side, he has been helping me work through memories that I put in the basement of my mind and marked don’t ever open.


The problem with boxes that are never opened is they do open at some point of crisis usually. I’ve been in faith based counseling for the last three months and it has helped tremendously.


Having someone listen to me, having God be the third party in the sessions I am in makes a huge difference.


God has set me free it’s a painful pruning season, and sometimes I hurt so much from the shame of memories from college and the years that I was out of my head it’s hard to look at even with God by my side.


There are days that I wanted a curtain call let’s wrap this up hannah, but God. There is a huge attack on humanity regarding the spirit of violence and suicide. I would say sense 2014 on ward I’ve seen a dramatic increase in the amount of people passing away by their own hands.


This is why we walk by faith and not by sight, for the testing season I was crying out to God in my quiet time with him, closed heavens. He was there, but I didn’t sense him.
Only this past week has it dawned on me the memories I’ve been releasing to God, one at a time, slowly at a pace that doesn’t overwhelm me or do me in. I thank God for revealing that to me. Because now I can see the lies for what they are, lies. The enemy doesn’t fight fair, and it’s a fight like it or not.


We can’t be absentee on the battlefield when Yeshua has called us to make disciples of all men and women, going to the dirty places, the hurt places, and being the feet upon the mountains that bring the Good News of Jesus.


This is ugly, this hurts, it sucks the big one, and the enemy has tried to silence me. I’m not going to shut up about God or about how He has loved on me when I can’t love on myself. He’s pulled my hands back from and away from ending my own life more times then many know.


The good news of Jesus is, He knows, He cares and damn it I’m not going to bow to depression, or suicidal ideation! Just as passionately as I’d give my life for God, that and then some He’s passionate about me living out the pages yet to be filled in the book of my life written by me, read and reread by the Ancient of Days in His courtroom library. (I’m going to be in heavens record keeping law libraries for a long time when I graduate to heaven.)

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God Defines Me

There is a keeping of faith brothers who dwell together, one runs his course and passes off his baton off to the next runner. I was at a memorial service today and it was such a lovely thing to see a faithful life live and now to be known as he is known.

The biggest lie is that servant-hood is slavery. No, in service comes great joy which reaches deeper than feelings. Joy is shut up in the bones of those whom God has kissed.

Our life kiss back to Him is to tell upon the mountains the wonderful things He has done for us and the things freedom cannot help but express.

Even when nothing is said, light shines through and bears witness of God’s Love.

The plural many-sided God trumps the dull singleness of sin.

A life freed from the grave is worth more than gold. As a brand plucked from the fire is one on fire for the Lord.

All will come to see one soul passionately ablaze for God.

This Love is beyond written description and deepens with Him as a time to maturity for resurrected bodies merge with our souls in the age to come.

The reason beauty is worshiped is that human hearts long for that eternal beauty that crown of life awarded to those who run their race well.

The single lopsidedness and ‘depth’ of sin leads to death, hell and the grave.

Whom a person serves before they die, they shall serve eternally.

I personally know the struggle of the flesh and what it wants daily as Paul said ‘I’ die what I want I overcome by the Blood of the Lamb and the word of my testimony and don’t love my life to death.

What I want is daily nailed to that execution stake, I don’t turn my hand back and away from the plow that the Lord has for me but I press up and onward to the higher calling.

I challenge fellow servants, repent, repent; turn from your evil ways and turn to the God who just longs to love on you.

I guarantee you will be persecuted by forces that seek your elimination. But, greater is He in me than the enemy of this world system.

One repents as a lifestyle, as a life choice.

I refuse the allow labels placed on me to shape me. God defines me, He leads me. He rescues me. I breathe in His name and breath out praises to Him.

Sometimes only I can say ‘help God’ and I am enough and accepted by Him, I accept me. What others think doesn’t rock my world, only Yeshua has my heart rock solid on fire for Him.

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I will Love, Come what may

There are many strong opinions and deadly words slinging in the form of actual bullies. People are zealous for their cause, don’t get me wrong it’s good to have one. But at what point does it become divisive and become counterproductive?

At what point will the violence stop? At the point when love wins truly takes shape.

Love is God, God is Love.

Love endures with patience and serenity, love is kind and thoughtful, and is not jealous or envious; love does not brag and is not proud or arrogant. It is not rude; it is not self-seeking, it is not provoked [nor overly sensitive and easily angered]; it does not take into account a wrong endured. It does not rejoice at injustice, but rejoices with the truth [when right a nd truth prevail]. Love bears all things [regardless of what comes], believes all things [looking for the best in each one], hopes all things [remaining steadfast during difficult times], endures all things [without weakening]. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 AMP

15 But speaking the truth in love [in all things—both our speech and our lives expressing His truth], let us grow up in all things into Him [following His example] who is the Head—Christ. Ephesians 4:15 AMP

The truth spoken by God in Love is this:

Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit or have any share in the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; [d]neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate [by perversion], nor [e]those who participate in homosexuality, 10 nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers [whose words are used as weapons to abuse, insult, humiliate, intimidate, or slander], nor swindlers will inherit or have any share in the kingdom of God.  1 Corinthians 6:9-10 AMP 

This and many other verses are not spoken in anything but a heart of warning and of love, all of those things listed all of them are equal in being sin and full of abusive death and tear us as individuals apart or tear relationships apart.

The truth spoken in love is this: I am guilty as well of overeating, sometimes over exercising, seeing things I want even when they are not in my budget etc. and am working with God to overcome it walk it out in the nitty-gritty with people I can trust to hold me accountable.

It is the same for all sin, each has fallen away. The thing that sobers me is sticking close like a cat clinging to it’s master’s lap with it’s claws in, is how closely I strive to stay to Daddy God.

I say this with tears in my eyes, but I stand on the Truth of what God has spoken. If I lose all, so be it. I will love people, but in humble love also when asked speak the truth of God in love. Come what may, I will love God’s way.

 

 

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My Soul Longs

Your Heart turns over,

Your sympathy extends.

Your North Wind opens,

Your Wings sing me in.

Thank You God;

Your Heartbeat I feel.

Your Grip is snug,

Your Touch I steal.

Written this morning 7/19/16

 

I’ve been through the grief of losing my dog piled on-top of recent events etc. and just it’s been heavy.

God’s got me, He sews  me into His Side beneath His Wings.

Real life pain, God carrying me through this valley until I dance on the high places with hinds feet.

I earnestly long for others would take the time to spend with the Lord.

I want to share the Love He gives away so freely.

But we have choice, dear readers I encourage you to seek the Lord. He said ‘blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be filled.’

It’s true, call upon the Lord from the depths of who you are.

These are not just poetic words, I type with a bitter sweet ache and tears of grief and yet a knowing that Daddy’s got me.

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Answer His Call

With many other words he (Peter) warned them; and he pleaded with them, “Save yourselves from this corrupt generation.”  Those who accepted his (The Good News of Yeshua) message were baptized, and about three thousand were added to their number that day. Acts 2:40-41

What is needed? The Love of Jesus, the Love that passes all understanding. There is a counterfeit a fake ‘love’ (lust for things to fill the God shaped void) that the world offers but in the end it leads to death and the things of this world are passing away and not eternal.

This message isn’t new to you dear readers and sadly God is shouting at us ‘Repent dear children and turn back to me.’

How many more will be slain before the light-bulb goes off?

This I say to myself as well for as it’s written:

Don’t you know that unrighteous people will have no share in the Kingdom of God? Don’t delude yourselvespeople who engage in sex before marriage, who worship idols, who engage in sex after marriage with someone other than their spouse, who engage in active or passive homosexuality, 10 who steal, who are greedy, who get drunk, who assail people with contemptuous language, who rob — none of them will share in the Kingdom of God.

1 Corinthians 9:9-10 

The truth is without grace none of us no not one can come to the Father except for the blood of Yeshua (Jesus.) But that grace isn’t a licence to do what we please but with reverent fear of God (because as you choose to grow closer to God through spending time with Him you don’t want to do anything that will come between yourself and God.)

You begin to keep a short account meaning repentant each day as you become more sensitive to God’s Love and the Holy Spirit.

Dear readers, you know this you are aware of this I charge you to come to your senses and repent turn the other way and cling to Jesus like a magnet to a refrigerator!

Shine the light of Jesus without fear! Be bold in the Lord and comfort those who morn, be a light to a dark and twisted world that is blind leading blind.

God brought me to the light and I am three years self mutilation free only though coming to the end of myself, working through issues with God in a safe place I could do so and still am respective to the direction of the Lord.

Anyone can come and be healed, stay healed and partake in the river that is within those who are Children of God.

Come away my love He calls, come away from the mess of this world and seek Me without stopping and you will indeed find Me.

Will you answer Him as He knocks as the door of your heart? Eternity hangs in the balance. Invite Him in, and begin the greatest love adventure of your life!

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God is a Healer

He heals the brokenhearted
And binds up their wounds [healing their pain and comforting their sorrow]. Psalm 147:3

I can attest to this truth. When I became honest with God, when I stopped playing games with myself and honestly cried out to God, He came and worked with me. It’s only by God that I am alive today.

If only the Love He has could be conveyed it has been for Jesus said, ‘It is finished.’ and truly all has been and will be accomplished through Jesus.

God is the God who was, who is and who is to come. God is the ALL in ALL. He IS that He IS. Past present and future tense.

Voilently throw your burdens on God, and He WILL sustain you, He will not allow the rightious to be moved. Psalm 55:22

As you laydown and sleep when you awake it’s because the LORD sustained you. Psalm 3:5

If the Son makes you free then you are free indeed. John 8:36

Indeed I am free and choose to walk out the freedom by obeying the Word of God, developing a relenship with Him and walking out what He teaches.

Choose the freedom of God.

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I Charge You.

Don’t forget those that are suffering for their faith in God. This rings in my mind quiet often. Do not forget. I am thankful that I can go to a house of worship without fear of being followed or killed for it. I am thankful that I wasn’t lined up on a beach and executed for being a Christian.

I can’t forget other brother’s and sister’s for we are of the Body of Messiah, we are the Bride He is returning for.

Make no mistake, wherever God has called me I will go. More then likely and lately it’s meant dyeing to what ‘I’ want, and living for what God wills.

That is a kind of martyrdom too, only the intentional denial of self even when self is screaming blood murder.

I urge you fellow readers to come to the One who has open arms and kindness to you. I challenge you readers to stand up for what is right, not to change your moral code based on popular opinion but even in the face of death, you stand firm.

Having done all, stand.

Fight the good fight of faith.

 

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who will speak for the voiceless

Recently I emailed the white house, I’ve written them as well and gotten a response. The reason I feel compelled to say (in this case type) something is that the fire in my bones won’t allow me to not.

Overseas in mass numbers people are being killed in unspeakable ways. Muslims, Christians, Women, Men, Children burned alive, limbs severed from their bodies for insane reasons, high taxes and or death if there is noncompliance and be-headings in the form of sawing off heads.

I have only seen about 4 years ago one video, and that one was all I needed to see of a beheading as a man screamed while having his spinal chord, voice box and neck sawed into.

After some bile was flushed down my toilet, I saw evil and didn’t want to see or hear of it again. To my shame I have ignored the plight of humans being killed off as it has grown in number sense that time four years ago.

Just because someone has a different faith, or they smoke a cigarette, or they don’t pay their ‘taxes’ etc. This is why they are in great numbers fleeing the hell they live in.

Who will stand up for them even if it costs the life we have? When did ‘Never Again’ become forgotten? It’s only been 70 years and the west is now plugging it’s ears and plugging into an electronic device to drown out the screams of the dyeing.

Shame on us.

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Voice of the Martyrs Radio

The Islamic Revolution in Iran in 1979 promised great things for the Iranian people. The mullahs that took over the nation promised an Islamic paradise on earth. More than 35 years later, Iran’s people have lost hope in their government, and in the religion it upholds. Dr. Hormoz Shariat speaks daily to millions of Iranians through satellite television. He shares the hope of Jesus with a nation that has lost hope in their Islamic government, and he sees great waves of people who have rejected Islam now embracing Jesus, the Savior. This week on VOM Radio, Pastor Hormoz shares exciting things God is doing in Iran and challenges Christians in the United States to be as committed to our God as radical Muslims in the Middle East are committed to theirs.

Source: VOM Radio: 6389

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