blog post, Blog Posts, God is Good, Mercy Ministries, Personal Post

Jane Hamon Prophesy at Mercy Multiplied on Feb. 2, 2013

In truth Hannah, you are someone who knows how to make people laugh, how to break down walls. You are filled with Joy and daughter in truth that is how I’ve called you to be. The Lord says you have this nature about you that just disarms people. The other part of you feels as though it wars against you. For that, it angers you.

And you do not know what to do with that anger. At times you feel this rage inside of you that bubbles up and takes your joy. I want you to know, Says the Lord, I’ve been dealing with that time bomb.

Sometimes you’re even afraid of yourself. But, I’m disarming that time bomb and I am setting you free from a lifetime of anger and a life time of injustice. Says the Lord. That makes you angry and guess what, that makes Me angry as well! You can be angry, but not stay angry.

You felt anger was a wall and shield to you, but guess what? We have been disarming that wall haven’t we?! I’m delivering you from an inner anger and an inner rage at times the parts of yourself that you have hated you have ended up angry at yourself and Me. (God) and those around you.

This causes you to feel disarmed because you wonder how can I be so joyful and so angry at the same time?! I bring the peace that you will not just understand in your mind but one that ‘passes all understanding’ you are not going to have to understand it all to receive it all.

This has been a ‘sticking point’ for you. But why? (3x’s) I’m going to turn your question marks into exclamation points! You have a teaching gift and the importation of knowledge and the education process I’m restoring to you the years that were ‘eaten up’ by the enemy’s devastation in your schooling years. I’m restoring your love of learning, books because I have put the heart of a teacher in you.

You will teach in classrooms and also in living-rooms. You will not be afraid to sit around couches with people. As you share and impart you will tear down walls in other people’s lives.

You will be taken into churches through they were not always your ‘friend’ for a little while, I will bring people into your life that will make a way for you. Out of the place I’ve been teaching you, I will give you importation to share My Word and principles. You will have keys in your hands that will unlock others from the prisons they’ve been in.

I will restore you so that you can be a restorer, I will heal you so that you can be a healer, and I will teach you so that you can be a teacher. Everything I do for you I will do through you.

I’m breaking you out of the place of shame that the enemy has tried to keep you in. First of all, it hasn’t worked! I will cause you to feel good about yourself to feel good in your own skin. You’re getting a sassy new haircut, along with a sassy attitude. This is an external transformation of an internal transformation.

You will hold your head high and walk into a room whereas before you hoped no one would see you. Now you will walk in and ‘say’ see me, I have something to say.

You will have a ‘bad’ good attitude that will open people’s hearts. Don’t worry daughter too much about what your family thinks your transformation ‘should’ look like, but what I think it should be. (Says the Lord)

I don’t in any way want you to feel stunted by that. You will emerge like a rose, where all you’ve seen are the thorns. There is a rose attached at the end of them.

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blog post, Blog Posts, honest, I need sleep, Personal Thoughts, Poem

I Taste

Palms that sing to touch, kisses sting too much.
Fire on my lips, holy ghost spit, holy hunger split.
Eyelids heavy yet can’t sleep.
Hunger hurt can’t keep.
1/3 cup of sugar makes a blue face.
1/2 teaspoon of high half-baked.
Tears taste like salt,
Mine a scarlet fault.
Haunting “XO” kiss hug,
Recall warm womb of blood.
I can still trace the scars that killed me,
Can still be tempted by the shrill need.

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A new dog

We adopted our 1st dog in 2002, a Brittany Spaniel,as a present for our son, Jonathan, for his 10th birthday. Little did we know that Minnie would be part of our oldest daughter’s healing as she struggled through more than a decade of anxiety, depression, an eating disorder, self- harm and an eventual diagnosis of high functioning autism. Minnie was her best friend and our families “ therapy dog”. She lived a full life and endeared herself to even the most hesitant of animal lovers. She was truly our 6th family member. Last summer,we sadly said goodbye to her and have grieved her loss for the past 18 months. As Hannah has moved through the stages of her healing and growth, she has come to realize that her love for her dogs is one way she relates to and connects with other living things ( humans). Having a dog has also reduced her anxiety and depression. Unfortunately, with Kim in school full time and Larry starting his own business,we can not afford to fund her adoption expenses. Can you help make her adoption dreams come true? We found a wonderful Brittany breeder near Charlottesville, VA and he has several Brittany’s up for adoption at $600/male and $650/ female. She has stated, “ I don’t want anything else for Christmas, Hanukkah and my Birthday for the next several years but a dog!”

Hannah’s Dog Gofundme

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Falling

The wind combs through the leaves,
There is a chorus of greys and greens.
Seeing small tethered things.
Seeing birds beat their wings.
Hearing blowers and mowers.
Hearing silence and violence.
Shots ring out a few blocks away,
No matter child go out and play.
Sirens blare, rade the air.
I hear an argument next door,
I hear two voices snarl and roar.
A radio flys away,
Escaping to the light of day.
The sun does not last too long,
By 4 pm it’s set and gone.

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blog post, Blog Posts, gastric sleeve, God is Good, Personal Post

Gastric Sleeve

On the 31st of October 2017, I had a sleeve gastrectomy done.

This was after two years of deliberation and after 10 months of kickboxing.

When they reached my organs there wasn’t any fat in my liver or organs! That working out did something, it got me in shape to heal better and be prepared mentally and physically for this journey.

Granted I’ve gone from 100 mph to 10 mph if that, but it was 2/3’s my stomach removed for good.

This is a tool, a very powerful weight loss tool. It’s not the ‘easy way out’ nor is it a ‘cure all’ 10 years down the line I will be the 1 out of 6 that does not regain the weight because I’ve done the hard work beforehand.

It’s got to come from within you, the choice to live well.

The choice to say yes to not going overboard, the choice to not give up even after all else has been exhausted.

I did all I could in my power to get this weight off and didn’t come by this choice to have surgery overnight. And I’m glad I didn’t, it gave it time to sink into my bones the choice to choose health for life. 

I will say that God has been by my side to help me as I’ve been healing, it’s been hellish somedays. But on the whole, I’m day 17 post op and feeling more myself daily.

It’s weird to not workout like I used to but again I’ll get there this isn’t about a sprint but about healing well and getting good eating habits in place.

Heck good habits and attitudes in place.

The first year is like training wheels for your stomach and all else, it’s not a cake walk.

No carbs for the 1st six months to maximise weight loss. No fruit, 64 oz. of water a day, protein shakes to start off with and now I’m in the soft mush food stage.

100 grams of protein daily, 2 multivitamins, 3 calcium chews, b12 and biotin sublingual. It’s hard work after the ‘wow you’ve lost so much weight’ fades away and things return ‘to normal’ where is ‘my new normal’?

So as I’m finding my balance in this dizziness I just thought I’d update on how I’ve been doing. Pretty damn well, God is good and yielding to what He has for my life will continue to produce fruit. Taste and see that He is indeed Good. 

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blog post, Blog Posts, Personal Thoughts, Unapologetic, Unashamed Love for God

Ascribe

The mist ascends the flame of God tests and tries me. The heart is pried open again a physical ache wounds bittersweet.
I’ve been pressed and overcome by You God.

You are so jealous your very Name is something that evokes my inner being. You see the being in me. You are the One who Loves me who ‘gets’ me, who is always there for me.

God my expression can’t be contained. I asked for Your fire to char my bones, Your very flame opens my eyes. As a hatchling opens eyes, the womb of the morning pierces with Your kind gaze.

Saw open the heavens and come down Holy Spirit. Shred my pride, God, break my will, God.

God join You to me, I join myself to you. I am joined at Your hips.

I take your Name.

You break the bow, bend the spear and tell wars to stop the proud drop at your very voice. Your glory will overcome all creatures.

God of Jacob with Your heavy weighty Love so crush me, so melt my heart. So spar with me and win.

-My Jewish Love, God of Israel-

You move my heart, I see the nations rage and yet You the Lord Who sits above the helix of the earth, You God Who made all creation, You God Who echoes peace be still, be not afraid.

Your Voice echoes in the chambers of my soul. I consider the works of your hands, I consider Your awe inspiring effervescent blinding light.

Be still oh my soul, quiet my heart like a weaned child from his mother. Be still, hedge me into your thorny garden. Your locked resting place.

Though the ground gives way, though mountains recycle into the seas Your Foam ascends and upon my heart have you set Your Seal,

Have You so burned my mouth with the coals of purity?

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God’s Tent

He who rolls out the heavens like a tent to dwell under. He who measured stars, galaxies, mountains, valleys and human hearts in the span of His Hand.

My Love is the One Who hides atop the mountain of spices, and I chase Him near the crest of the earth. He has a smile of warmth about Him. His hands urged me to jump into His Lap as a child their Father.

My Love ravishes me with kisses as I sing praise to Him. The One on High takes a lowly handmaiden and makes love to her in the night watches.

The owl sings praises to her God for the meal He’s provided her. I listen outside my window and hear the mates call to one another.

This is how I call to my Mate, My God, My Lover. I call to Him and His sweet reply is earth shattering.

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