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Paper Pants

It’s OK to have black pants with a red tie,
It’s OK to crawl and scream out, ADONAI!

It’s OK to be held and yell out God’s Name.
It’s OK because He’s felt the same.

He’s been betrayed, bruised and cast aside.
At His lowest He was thrice denied.

He was counted among the poor, lost and broken.
As He hung on the Cross, His Life our Token.

To the one criminal who cursed God and died,
And the other who was with Him in Paradise.

Ages have passed and nothing’s changed,
Some still choose to curse His Name.

But sister nightbirde whispered in my ear,
“God’s on the bathroom floor, and to the broken draws near.”

In memory of nightbirde and inspired by my recent 72 hour hospital stay.

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Tears and Cocoa 

My love knocked; 

His scent unlocked.

My face He held,

My pain He felled.

The joy set before His Feet;

The tears mix with lovers sweet.

Cocoa sipped, my tongue dipped.

praises to my Lover,

Smooth as butter.

I taste the salt and smile,

He is with me all the while. 

 I have no fear or care 

for You my God are truly rare.

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Be Still and Know That You Know

God uttered “relationships.”

Also vocalized was ‘there is a moment and a season for everything under heaven.’ Indicating this season of what I perceive as an impasse, God sees as a respite and refresh in Him.

I don’t know what the next seconds hold, but I do know that Jesus lovingly grips me up and guards my thighs.

He is my resting place. I query the next move.

In the waiting I discover abundance, His riches, and his peace that passes anything I will ever realize.

He’s summoning me to the hammock of grace, yet again. 🙂

To sway on and let Him blanket me.

Rising helix of understanding, That God is my portion; in this I find ease.

In returning to God and rest I will be kept, in hush and secure confidence Jesus is my strength.

Isaiah 30:15

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50 Words of Assurance

Softly in her humming, God tapped her shoulder.
A dreamy and furiously celestial ‘Hi.’
Speechless with delight, a simple nod of affability and reception of a lover.
His presence all around, the heavenly abode.
She recognized and knows who she is in Him.
In Him she is sheltered and assured.

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He is God

 

The job that I’d applied for fell through. Months of interviews and hoops jumped through sense November of 2015 to this past month.

Disappointment is bitter, in the case of those that have their hearts set on God it’s bittersweet. 

I sobbed my eyes out-but I didn’t stay there.

I gave the disappointment to God, He knows what He is doing, His Ways are not my ways, His Thoughts are Higher then mine.

I’m finding that isn’t not setbacks that paint the days that we have, but our reactions to set backs.

I was angry, bitter sobs chocking my pillow and crying out to God.

No words were needed.

Why would He lead me that far to allow it to slip away?

So-I gave it to Daddy God.

It’s OK to cry to sob.

But I’m not called to say there, in grief.

My computer stopped working at the same time this was happening.

So I posted from my brother’s ipad some thoughts and reflections regarding what to do from that point forward.

There are worse things that happen, and thank God that He has matured me to the point of handing all things over to Him.

It is well with my soul.

He is God-He is faithful like no other. He is God-I refuse to serve another. He is God-I declare in awe and wonder. He is God.  -Roy Fields Lyrics

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Choose God, Choose Life

As the days go by we choose how we spend out life breathed time. every human on the face of planet earth…

Each person shows the handwork of God almighty, the heavens declare His Glory…Both those that believe and follow Him and those that choose not to…

The God like ability to be self aware, to reason, to choose…Is a gift every single one of them…

God is simple and yet profound awesome and loving, Holy Awesome and full of a Holy Jealously…There is no high like the Most High 😀

I’m telling you God is so Good! Ask and receive the entirety of who Jesus is who the Holy Spirit is…Out of our belly’s come rivers of living water, that water that Jesus spoke of that was from Him where we wouldn’t thirst nor hunger…

God fixed my car! It needed to be fixed, my father’s inspection wasn’t a big bill!

Praise God!!

Hosanna!

If I could pour out the Spirit through this post, through these typed words…Can I just say that God has given me Garments of Praise in exchange for a spirit of heaviness, and Oil of Joy in exchange for a spirit of grief, beauty for ashes!

He moved the mountain of cutting my body to hell!

He saved me!

He is faithful, He is Truth in the flesh!

He is alive and well!

Grab hold of Jesus, He will not let go, even when you yourself want to give up! 

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At Day’s End

There will not be a day that Yeshua isn’t by my side.

With my entire being, I worship You God.

You God are faithful when all around is losing it’s head in madness…

I find my center in who you are Jesus, my salvation, my strength, my all…

God clear my mind, have all of my world, make my heart beat in time with Yours…

What is on Your Mind God?

What gives You Joy?

I surrender all, ‘I’ get out of the way, to walk in The Way, The Truth and The Life you’ve breathed into my lungs…

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A Glorious Upset

What looks strange, in the midst of the madness there will be power rung by heaven, the heaviness of God poured out ‘upon all flesh’ as it was in Acts, as it said in Joel…For Adonai’s name sake, for everything good and perfect is from the LORD!

For His own sake He will lift those who put their trust in Him, He will lift them up! Vengeance from God takes a form no one sees coming, it always has and always will…

revenge comes in the form of salvation of those who have once persecuted! For how is evil overcome? With good! With the goodness of God! what better revenge on the darkness then to push the gates of hell back with new children of God!

One heck of an upset!

What makes us for a second think that the same Son of Man who overturned the tables when He was here upon the earth, what audacity have we to think that He who overturned tables of the money changers won’t overturn court rulings or turn the world on it’s head for His Glory?!

When Daniel was persecuted, when they brought charges against him for lifting the God of Israel up in prayer, Daniel kept on praying and the jaws of the lions were slam shut because of the angles keeping them shut, but they devoured those that threw Daniel there in the first place.

In Isaiah chapter six verse one:

In the year that King Uzziah died, I saw the Lord, high and exalted,seated on a throne; and the train of his robe filled the temple. Isaiah 6:1 NIV

In that day Egypt and Iraq will be connected by a highway, and the Egyptians and the Iraqis will move freely back and forth between their lands, and they shall worship the same God.  And Israel will be their ally; the three will be together, and Israel will be a blessing to them. For the Lord will bless Egypt and Iraq because of their friendship with Israel. He will say, “Blessed be Egypt, my people; blessed be Iraq, the land I have made; blessed be Israel, my inheritance!” Isaiah 19:23-25 NLV

God will have the final say, God bless your inheritance, God come quickly and Lord I lift my eyes up to You to behold Your Glory, Your Might, Your Peace that passes anything I can grasp and I don’t want it any other way.

Your Way alone Lord God, Your Kingdom Come YOUR WILL be DONE ON Earth as it is in Heaven!

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To God Only

Well, I have my voice back and funny enough I want to praise God with renewed vigorous zeal…

Am I a zelout? Yup, I am.

Am I in love with God? You Bet!

Am I a glutton for His presence?  Yes! 

I feel giddy, like a kid with a shiny new twig toy only in the kids eyes it’s a doll…

I love the God who gifted me with writing, with expression, with a voice, with compassion, with courage that only can be explained through and by God.

None of these things I did to earn, I just happen to have them as gifts!

What better way to express my heart to God’s Heart, heart to heart…

Then to use these gifts in silver and gold, and sing with my entire being, write with all that I am, use the wrapped lovelies for the lover of my soul?!

It’s funny that my voice would come back on Friday Shabbat, the sixth day of Hanukkah, and I am so overcome with amazement…

Each day in the quiet (forced due to the lost voice) I ‘was still and knew that He is God’

at one point I couldn’t hear (ear infection) and my eyes had pink eye…

It was misabural, yet in those moments in those days that I was at my physical worst…

I fell in love with God again…

My heart became and is that much more tender and aware…

to not take for granted, sight, hearing, and singing…

And to choose in love for God, to n0t listen to, sing, or see things that are spitting in the face of the One who gives these senses…

Garbage in garbage out is very true.

Thankfulness has been the thing to keep myself afloat…Only when I was weary, at my worst…Physically broken, not singing sucked…

Then the thought of: well what would you sing now if you could Hannah? (to myself I thought, well a freaking angry girl song) eh, not the best use of your voice, though your voice express it in beauty? (no, you’re right God.)

Many inner ‘talks’ with the Father God, and a humbling realization that yes Lord, I will only lift You up…not my issues up, not my gift up in self glorification…

Same with the music, movies etc…I watch and listen to…

So dear readers, in love I type all of this to say…

God is beyond anything I could sing, write, etc…there isn’t an ‘I’ in the story of Yeshua, it is indeed all about, and for Him, my story weaves it’s way into His…

But it makes a beautiful tapestry doesn’t it?  🙂

“If you lift up your voices, and call on the Lord He will come, and the nations will see that salvation comes from Zion.” -Watchmen lyrics from Paul Wilber

 

 

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But God.

I usually don’t post of difficult things, but of late things have been hard.  Switching up anti depressants to a weight neutral one so that my weight loss efforts don’t continue to be for nothing.

I workout about 4 times a week, but struggle with night eating (working on it with God’s help it’s getting better.)

I have been losing weight finally, but a bit of my mind in the process. Hopefully the transition will be smoother as time goes on.

I will be 32 years of age this 22nd of September 2015. I have asked my mom for a weight watchers membership for my birthday. I want a lifestyle change aside from weight loss and getting to a weight that God has created me to be at.

I am sure God has been fighting alongside and in many cases fighting off my own ‘judge, jury and executioner’ in my head…I think many a time the enemy is given too much credit, my own head (my flesh) can do a good enough job accusing me thanks much…

The thing I’m coming to know is, we all struggle and yea I know it mentally but knowing it and being OK with the struggle if that makes sense…for it’s been through this struggle and through others (used to self injure, no longer do two years healed by God’s grace) is that some choose to stay in the hurt, in the pain, thinking it their own…

What other’s fail to grasp is that all the struggles, pain, aches, hurts…and I mean ugly hurts of life…all of them, God took on through Jesus…Through the pain He endured He became sin, all of them…murder, sexual sins, rape, slanderous words to others, one’s self, God above He became Sin he became hurtful words actions and deeds that rip and tear people apart…

He became those words that drive people to harm themselves, to harm others, I know because I held onto hurt myself, at the price of hurting others through insisting on stubbornly staying in pain come hell or high water…

I put my family through hell for more then ten years, borderline anorexia, upper abuse, and cutting myself open to this day the scars are raised and visible…

I was socially hazed before ‘anti bully’ became chic…and beyond that couldn’t think of the implied to love others you must first love yourself enough to stop self abuse…

I wasn’t for a long while thinking straight, and the scars now just point to a loving Father who saved me from myself…and it was a hell of a struggle two years ago that I went through.

God always by my side, often times more then I can remember, banging my fists into His Chest as pistons until all my emotional energy was spent and having the Father wipe away my tears, hug, love on me and heal me…

Having gone through that struggle I know that Jesus will help me with this ‘issue’ which is less in comparison (I think it is) but I want to wholly reflect God, and be content in who He has made me to be, size wise, spirit wise, etc…

I must have a fighters spirit or something because through these experiences (all before 33 no less) time has become enriched and feels as though it is being well lived (even through my own mistakes though my head says otherwise.)

I have no idea how many God has touched through my story, I know there are some and I’m socially not even aware because it’s how God has created me. To be a social bull in a china shop, no ice breakers needed just add me to the mix…

In the right direction and under God’s loving hands it breaks down walls with the horns this bull has, and for some reason people feel ‘free’ to be ‘themselves around me.’

When the horns were aimed at myself it was destructive, but is it not funny I now blow a shofar ram’s horn of God’s praise and sing to Him (He gifted me with a voice.)

And walls are coming down through the fighter God has uniquely made me to be…

Will you allow Him to wright His story into your life? Will you place down the hurt? He won’t force, He is a loving Father despite what others say..

I know myself for I walked and still walk the struggles and victories out with Him…

Daily I choose to place the hurt down, is it hard hell yes…is it worth it? Heck yes! He is worth my life breath, all of me and who I am…

The choice is yours to make, but I’ve made mine…you can come along if you like, or stay stuck…

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